Growing up in Pennsylvania, I experienced firsthand the challenges of being raised by a single mother after the death of my father. My mother, a resilient and loving woman, fought hard for the services we needed to survive. From Boy Scouts to private school, she made sure I had opportunities even when times were tough.
Her involvement sparked a desire in her to give back and make a difference in the lives of others.
As a Black man, I am acutely aware of the systemic injustices and biases that permeate our society. In the child welfare system, Black children are significantly overrepresented in foster care and face longer stays and higher age-out rates than white children. This reality strengthens my resolve to provide a stable, loving home for my children and to advocate for other Black children in the system.
From a young age, I knew I wanted to adopt one day. Even if I had biological children, I wanted to provide them with a loving home. As a gay man of color, I later realized that having biological children would be challenging, but adoption remained my calling. LGBTQ+ couples are particularly active in adoption, especially from foster care. Although a growing number of LGBTQ adults say discrimination based on gender or sexual identity is a significant barrier to providing foster care, same-sex couples are particularly active in the foster care system.
My dream came true in 2019 when I adopted my son, James, from Colombia through international adoption. Although we were shy and nervous when we first met, we bonded over a game of Uno. Even though he spoke no English and I knew little Spanish, our connection was unmistakable. I knew he was meant to be my son.
Our multicultural family enriches our lives and fosters a deeper appreciation for diversity, challenging us to create a home where everyone feels a sense of belonging.
Being a Black adoptive father also means being a role model and a source of strength for my children. It means instilling in them a sense of pride in their identity, teaching them to navigate a world that is not always kind to them, and giving them the strength to overcome challenges.
The importance of black men in raising children and as good role models cannot be emphasized enough.
In a society where black men are often stereotyped and marginalized, positive representation is crucial. As a black man, I strive to demonstrate the values of resilience, integrity, and love. This helps to break down harmful stereotypes and create a legacy of strength and compassion for future generations.
In 2022, I received incredible news. Santiago, another boy from Colombia, had come to the United States and needed to be adopted again because his first placement had not worked out. When I showed James his picture, he recognized him immediately. They had been friends during the adoption process in Colombia.
It felt like fate.
Starting a family, especially with teens who have experienced trauma and loss, is not without its challenges. But watching their bond grow is one of the greatest joys of parenthood.
I want to say to anyone considering adoption or fostering, especially older children or those from other cultures, that it will be one of the most rewarding experiences of their lives. Yes, it can be daunting. There will be obstacles and moments that will test you. But the love, growth, and unbreakable bond you will build is worth it all.
Take the leap into the unknown. Your family is waiting for you. When children of color grow up in a supportive and caring environment, they can reach their potential and achieve their dreams. The journey may not be easy, but it is an important and fulfilling part of your life.
It is a journey of growth, learning and commitment to one’s family and the wider community.
Calvin Dyson is a Children’s savings and EMBRACE foster and adoptive parents and was funded by the Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments and the Foster Parent Ambassador for Fairfax County.
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